did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
