i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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