im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Two words: blizzard sex
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
