you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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