he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
