Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I skipped work to stalk him.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
There's always time for handjobs
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
