i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
