To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Your dad touched me again.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
