That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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