your room smells of hookers.
And success
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
