theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
