so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
