Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
