Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
