so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
