just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
