you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
