Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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