That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
