remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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