omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
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All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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