There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
