stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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