just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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