I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
