I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
