There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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