I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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