I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
50% drunk capacity currently
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
