dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
