Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
