Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
