So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
