Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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