"it" just moved
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
