he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
