Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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