pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
