Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
