Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
