I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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