I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
