i was born a porn star she said
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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