I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
