can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
