i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
