There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
