When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
