you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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