Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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