apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
