I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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