i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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