This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
