Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
