I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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