Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
