dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
