my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
