the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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