I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
