we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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