so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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