Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
