I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
